Of all the issues that affect a workplace, friction among human beings is probably the most common—and the most difficult to deal with. At the heart of it all is what some people call self-esteem or self-worth. Some refer to it as a sense of security, or the desire to be valued. Whatever term you use, it’s that often-subconscious desire to know “I’m okay.”

Despite what a few individuals would like to believe, everyone seeks it. The problem for the workplace is that people seek it in different ways, and sometimes those ways clash. When one person’s method of feeling valued crosses wires with another, sparks can fly.

No need to prove anything

If only we could break through to someone’s inner core and say, “Hey, it’s okay! You don’t need to prove anything to me. Stop being so [insert obnoxious behavior here] and let’s just move forward with the task at hand.”

If only it were that easy.

Several obnoxious behaviors go against my grain, the first of which is one-upsmanship. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done or thought, the other person has done it before you, better than you, or faster than you. The only way they can feel good about themselves is to be better than you—at everything.

Another irritating attitude comes from people jumping straight to what can go wrong. This is fine if done with an accompanying attitude of “let’s work together to make it better.” What’s irritating is when people do it with an attitude of superiority. 

Creating interpersonal competitiveness

Both of these behaviors are born out of a need to feel worthy, but both create an atmosphere of  competitiveness, not teamwork.

Because every situation is different, I don’t think there’s a “one size fits all” solution for dealing with people who rub us the wrong way. But I do believe this: If each of us looks long and hard at how we acquire our sense of self-worth and how that affects those around us, we’re all more likely to enjoy the benefits of teamwork.

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Filed in Motivation, Management, Teambuilding, Workplace, Corporate Culture