Pretty much everybody ruffles someone else’s feathers from time to time. Knowing how to smooth them back out can make a huge difference in your future.

The definition of ‘ruffling feathers’  (from the idioms browser at thefreedictionary.com) is making someone annoyed. I’ll echo that. My pet cockatiel flares out her feathers if she’s annoyed. And if I pet her in the opposite direction of her feathers (literally ruffling them) she most certainly gets annoyed (which is why I tend to avoid doing that).

I’m not an advocate of intentionally ruffling feathers. It doesn’t say much about one’s desire to be a team player. But whether it occurs intentionally or unintentionally, once feathers are ruffled, what’s the best way to smooth them out?

Rhoberta Shaler, writing at businessknowhow.com suggests that one effective way is being “H.I.P.”

1. Be Honest. Often times feathers get ruffled when we’ve been too honest and say something that offends another. In such circumstances, simply continue being honest.  Example: If an offending statement was venting frustration and not stated with malicious intent, explain that.

2. Be Immediate. The idea here is that injuries tend to swell up and become more painful unless ice is put on them right away. The sooner you smooth out ruffled feathers (akin to putting ice on a bruise), the better your chances of keeping pain to a minimum.

3. Be Positive. This is what I would call “achievement” talk versus “avoidance” talk. People can drone on about what they don’t (or didn’t) want to have happen, but that does nothing but keep one’s focus on the past. Focusing on what you want and then engaging others in that conversation keeps things moving in a forward, positive direction.

Granted, these suggestions are great when we realize that we’ve annoyed someone. But sometimes we have no clue that we’ve said or done anything to make someone’s feather flare out.

Example: The DISC “S” behavioral style in particular (Golden Retriever or Dove for those who prefer the animal analogies) is rather adept at not divulging feelings via body language. Such a person usually appears calm on the outside, but inside the person may be livid.

This reality hit me broadside several years ago. I came in to work one morning to find an email from a coworker. He pretty much blasted me. Apparently I’d done something to offend him three days earlier—but neither I nor anyone else was aware of it. He gave no indication whatsoever that his feathers had been ruffled.

Thankfully the HIP process works, and everyone’s feathers were smoothed out in pretty short order. 

My point here is that although the HIP process works, it’s not always obvious that we need to pull it out of our tool box and put it to work. Being devoted to workplace excellence involves being attuned to our coworkers’ moods. In no way are we responsible for those moods, but we do need to be aware of what’s going on in our environment.

And when certain players on the team aren’t quick to tell us that we’ve annoyed them, it may be beneficial to ask “Have I done anything to offend you?” if we sense something isn’t quite right.

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Feel free to comment on how you handle it when people don’t let on that their feathers are ruffled.

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Filed in Work, Business, Opinion, Motivation, Management, Customer Service, Workplace