May 4, 5:21 am
Spouse support needed for career change
Rob Yeung has answered an interesting question posed to him over at Management-Issues.com: A spouse is holding a person back from following his/her dream. What to do?
He gives a good response for the job seeker, but the biggest obstacle, in my view, is still the support of the spouse – or actually, the lack thereof.
Hard to move forward without that support, so the obstacle needs to be addressed. My question would be “why is the spouse hesitant?” My answer would be “fear” 99 percent of the time.
Anyone in relationship with another person has a symbiotic set of behaviors that provide a sense of security. When one of those two people decide they want to change their behavioral patterns (such as with new job—or in this case, a new career), it upsets the apple cart of relationship balance.
In other words, the other person won’t know how to deal with the change, or is afraid the change will being a new type environment that will be unfamiliar to the point of discomfort.
Solution: Really seek out the concerns of the dissenting spouse. A genuine concern for his or her fears will set the stage for steps to move forward. These fears can’t just be brushed off! If the person wanting the career change seeks the “win” for him or herself, it’s only fair that he/she seek a “win” for his/her spouse, as well. Talk about it. Examine all the concerns … the possibilities … the contingencies. Be objective, not emotional.
Once the fears are addressed and the other person’s concerns have been factored into the action plan, support is much more likely to occur.
Filed in Work, Business, Opinion, Motivation, Workplace
When applying for a new job or starting a new career or staring a company you have to convince a lot of people before you make the move. It might be your boss or your potential boss or an investor. You have to put together a resume or business plan and interview for the job or pitch your business. It’s a serious process.
Where people often forget to start is with their spouse. (Don’t forget to include the kids too.) Put more effort into selling your spouse on the move than you do everyone else. If you can make a good case to him/her you win their valuable support during the painful process and potential let down. Nothing is more valuable than that.
BTW I’ve made all three changes and have managed to still stay married. Although I could have done a better job of taking my own advice. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement and possibilities and want to charge ahead. It has been infinitely easier with the help of my wife and kids.